Day 7! One week mark!

Day 7! 

Today was my first day of school! I woke up at 7 and quickly changed, ate breakfast, and practiced my speech. I was really stressed, tired and of course feeling down (I'm not a morning person). I was just happy to be able to get out of the house early. I didn't want the depressing thoughts getting to my head. We left the house at around 7:50 and got to the 10th grade teachers office at around 8. Mr. Ogawa (the head of the exchange program) took me to the exchange student classroom and I got to see Keigo, fumi, what was her name I don't remember (the girl who went to the other school in Texas), Sarah and the exchange student from Canada! His name is Connor, and his Japanese is really good, at my level even! I'm glad to have someone to compete with ;) I think it'll motivate me. After we hung out a little bit, we all went and gave our speeches in front of the whole school ( which was stressful but not too terrible). After that we went back to the EP room and hung out a bit before the Japanese students had to return to class. Ogawa sensei talked to us a bit, and the Japanese teacher for the EP students, miki sensei, gave us an introductory Japanese class. She helped us decide which textbooks to use and about what level we r, and we had a mini test to check what jlpt level we r at. I was 4 I think. I gotta get to 1!!!

After our class ended, ogawa sensei came back and talked to us about Tomorrow, and then we were done! Just like that! Right after class Sarah had some stuff to get sorted out so I followed her, and then ogawa sensei took me to meet my class, 1-2 (ichinensei nikumi). They seemed really excited to see me, and I hope I can be friends with all of them! All I got to do was introduce myself and then I had to leave. I get to see them tomorrow again so hopefully I can meet some of them then. 

After school I went home and ate lunch (really good Yuzu ramen salad) while watching Disney phantasmic, and then at about 2 my host dad and I went out to try and set up my Japanese bank account. Riding the train isn't as scary anymore, so day after tomorrow I'm gonna try going somewhere by myself, probably just tennouji (closest station from my home station, closest mall). I hope it'll become a natural part of life for me. 

We went to a citibank to try and set up an account, but apparently you can't set one up there unless youre 20 or older, which is super lame. Instead we tried a different bank, but for this bank (Japanese one, very common in japan)you have to go to the closest bank to your house to set up a banking account. you also need your family stamp, which I do not have. I was really mad inside that we couldn't get it done today, but I think i can be patient and wait till another time. After that, my dad and I went to the apple store and this little place called "America-town." I guess it's like our china/korea/Japan/etc town. Nothing was a American. It was weird. 

After that I just came home, rested, and ate dinner. My host dad went back to work after we got back!!! He's really devoted. I did some work on a cover ill be rereleasing soon, and then I did my quiet time. Today I taught my host mom and sister about prayer and what it does/how+why to do it, and I think it went really well. I cant tell if it's just the Japanese in them, but they listened well. I'm glad to have had the chance to share God's beauty! Apparently my host sister is buddhist... Oh well she said shed come to church with me sometime because she wants to know what going to church feels like :). Hope!!! Today was really stressful but fun, and I realized today that I'd definitely rather be studying Japanese here than doing regular school in America (other than the fact that I'm missing my friends, musical, choir, and the arts I could participate in). All that's holding me back now is missing my parents, but I think if I talk to them regularly I won't feel separated from them and I won't be homesick! This is gonna be a great year. It's been a bumpy first week, but I can tell it only gets better from here!!

So now that a week has passed and school has started, I don't really have time to write an entry every day. Ill try blogging a few times a week, especially on important days, but this is all for now!!! Maybe it'll cut down to once a week... But anyways Thanks for reading! Hope you have an awesome day! 

Today's prayer: thank you God for always looking out for me. No matter what, you are always listening. Thank you!!! I can wait to see what you have In store for me this year. I pray that you protect everyone and keep us from depression and sadness. Thank you for loving us so much. <3 goodnight :3 

Day 6!

Day 6: 

So in the morning I didn't feel really well... I realized that everytime I wake up I feel depressed and homesick again. I mean once I start doing something I forget about it but it always happens I'm not really doing anything. I really hate this feeling, and I'm excited for school to start so I have something to distract me all day. This is the only situation ever in my life that I'm happy I have school on Saturday. I know if I'm in my room alone ill get depressed. The only time I ever go to my room is when I go to sleep or when I need to get something. I try to avoid going to my room. I woke up late cause I was up really late writing my blog post from yesterday, and i started having this feeling of homesick that was super small but wouldnt go away. when I got downstairs my host dad had already left for work. I ate breakfast and did my quiet time, but around that time I started thinking about home a lot and I wasn't feeling well. I talked jokingly with my family about doing bad things so I could go home, but I don't really know if it was actually a joke... 

So we pretty much just hung around all morning, and I got to talk to my dad and get other important things sorted out. Tomorrow I'm going to open my own Japanese bank account! It's gonna be awesome~ we didn't do anything until I left to go to church at around 10:45 :)

So I've been trying to get used to going places by public transport, and today my host mom came with me so I didn't have to worry a whole bunch and so I could Learn how to get to church. Apparently the location changes cause they rent spaces so ill have to find out where next time is this week. Getting to today's location is pretty simple and I think id be able to do it on my own next time. I only have to Change trains once! As we went I wrote all the instructions down, so I should be able to do it on my own next time. Once I got to the meeting place that was posted on the jesus LifeHouse Osaka website (meet at nagahoribashi exit 6) there were two girls with Mario hats that greeted me and took me to the church location. When I got there, I couldn't believe my eyes! So many Japanese and American people mingling was a really weird sight for me. I met a lot of really cool people from everywhere, and it was awesome to find a super energetic and young church. I'm definitely glad i went today! There worship is awesome and flawless and so uplifting, and their energy is super infectious. Such a welcoming church! After the first worship service we at lunch, and then I stayed for the second service which featured Jon pritikin, the guy who can roll frying pans and bends metal rods with his teeth. It was really cool, ad there were even more people there than before. Pretty crazy. His message was really powerful, and I loved hearing his life story. After that I had to go because my host mom came to pick me up but I said bye to a few people and then hurried back to the station. The best part of my day was meeting a guy named Matthew from Dallas Texas!!! I was so surprised that someone from Dallas would Be here! He said that he's been praying for another Texan, and now it here! I don't know if it was much of a prayer but he was really happy. And I like him a lot, he seems like an awesome guy. We r gonna hang out later this week I think. Awesome! Jesus LifeHouse Osaka! I'm really glad I went. The worship was really good, Jon and Luke(the pastor)'s speaking were very good. I'm so happy about finding a good Church! 

Once I got home I got really talkative and helped make dinner kinda. It was fun. I talked a lot with my family, and I didn't think about home. But still that little annoying feeling of longing still lingered. Even now. What i realized while sitting at the table is that even though America is more comfortable for me, when I go home I'm gonna wish I'm gonna be Here in Japan. I'm not homesick because I hate Japan, it's because I love Japan and love my family so being without them feels really weird. But school is finally starting so I should be ok soon! I'm missing home but I can do this! Gotta keep my head up! I Can do this!!!

At 10 I got to Skype with my family~ I'm so happy I got to see them! I didn't have any sad feelings cause I was so happy to see them. I don't want to be sad when I see them. I have to savor my time here in Japan! And I can't do that if I'm sad all the times. I got to introduce my family and stuff, my house, etc. it was a really good talk. I'm so happy about today, everything went so much better than I expected :) 

Tomorrow is my first day of school! Gotta go to be so I can be awake in the morning! Yay 5 min walk <3 

Today's prayer: thank you God for helping me know that you have a great and awesome plan. I thank you that I can put anything before you and you will lift those burdens. I thank you for friends who make life and living so much easier... I thank you for fellow Christians! I thank you for always being there for me, Ann I hope I can do some crazy awesome stiff for you in Jesus named America. :D I love you God! I'm interested in what's in store'

Day 5! 8/24/13

Day 5: 

Today in the morning i got a call from my big sib* Thomas, which started off my day really well because I had multiple dreams of being at home the night before and I was feeling really down. We talked for a REALLY long time, maybe two and a half hours, and it was really nice to be able to talk to someone who spoke fluent English. He's just moved into his college dorm, so he's kinda in the same situation as i am. Far from home, and slightly homesick. He's dealing with it a lot better then I am. We talked about homesickness, how to get over it, Japan/college life, and a lot of other stuff, and it was nice to talk to someone from home. I needed to hear a familiar voice. Before I was thinking that if I talked to my family and friends on the phone then I would get super attached and even more homesick, but it made me feel strong afterwards. I guess a call once in a while isn't so bad. I'm having a lot of trouble with my confidence about riding public transport (cause I'm so used to being chauffeured around by my family and friends), so Thomas has been helping me plan out all the train routes that I would regularly need, mostly the mall and church. School is right outside my house (maybe a 3-5 min walk) so I don't have to worry about going to school for a few months. I only have to take a train for one stop to get to the closest mall (at tennouji), but walking to the station is kinda a pain (maybe 15 minutes). Church is also a problem because its kinda far away and going by myself is a really scary thought. I definitely would get lost. I'm super scared that Im gonna get on the wrong train or get off at the wrong stop, so it's gonna take some time to get used to riding the train. Even so, I have no doubt that it's something I can get used to. I mean, all the directions are in English, and if I'm careful everything should be fine. After I talked to Thomas I felt really good, and I was able to eat breakfast and do my quiet time without feeling any depressing thoughts. After that I didn't really do anything so I started thinking, but luckily my host mom asked me to teach her the lyrics of songs she heard at Disneyland a few years ago. Her favorite one was seize the day from newsies, and I showed her the musical and movie, too. She was super happy. I was glad that I could help someone be so energetic. I think she's really happy that I'm here because Im teaching everyone English and American culture, something she's always wanted to learn about. She loves America a lot, especially cause of Disneyland. After that we watched the world of color and fantasmic show recordings that they took when they went to Disneyland a few years ago, and I told them I could recognize every single movie that came out, even by just listening to their voices. I could (which actually surprised me)! My host mom was really happy. For lunch we ate kitsune udon (kitsune means fox in Japanese. I don't remember why it's called kitsune, but it has something to do with the fox's mythical powers. The kitsune part is a big piece of sweet fried tofu), and during lunch I got a call from my dad! He finally downloaded line (a popular international messaging app) today and was doing fun things when he called me, and talking to him was amazing! I'm so glad I got to hear his voice. I dont think I even thought about being homesick while I talked to him, which was awesome. I was so glad that I got to talk to him, and it set me in a good mood for the rest of the day. After lunch we sat around more, watched/translated more Disney, and opened a big box of my stuff from America. Seeing all this stuff made me think a lot of home. Painful, but not as bad as before. One of the lines that I translated was, "hurry baaackk, hurry baaack, don't forget to bring your DEATH CERTIFICATEE HAHAHAHAAAAA" it was probably the creepiest moment of my life, especially once my host mom started saying it in a really creepy Japanese accent. Ugh scary hahah. I texted Keigo (the exchange student from the school I'm at here in Japan that I hosted in Texas last year) to ask him if he was at school, and since I can walk to school I walked over with my host mom and Keigo and I explored the school together. He showed me all the important places and all my classrooms, too. Japanese schools are a lot different than American schools so it was interesting to see the school that I will be attending for a whole year (woah that sounds like a long time). After that Keigo and I went to a mall at tennnouji station (all the really important places are always directly attached to a train station, that or the opposite). It was a really BIG mall, and we saw a lot of really interesting and fun stuff! I had to test my credit card so I bought a t shirt that's really popular in Japan. It was so much fun! Riding the train isn't bad when you're with someone who knows what they're doing. We even saw a person playing both sides on taiko no tatsujin** by himself! It was so cool, he got perfect scores almost everytime. We saw children piano prodigies too. It was probably the most fun I've had here so far. Being with Keigo, just like the old days. I showed him around Texas, now it's his turn to help me out cause I'm definitely gonna need it. 

After that we got back to school but Keigo was worried that I'd get lost on my way home so he walked me home. He knows about my train insecurities and not being able to ride the train by myself. It's really scary actually, but I hope I can get used to it. When I got home, my host mom told me a lot about Japanese school culture. Pretty much a good summary is student study their butts off all their lives. She even told me about how Tomoki, my host brother, for middle school went to a crazy difficult school and how he wanted to study from 8 in the morning till 11 at night. And at such a young age! Apparently that's not rare. Apparently he'd never be at home when it was light outside. Always at school or cram school studying. Everyday. No matter what. Classes or no classes. Always studying. I don't know why he's not the smartest person on the face of the earth right now haha. I'm just really surprised that people actually do stuff like that. My host mom says that she doesn't want her kids just to be book smart though. She also says she wants them to get out of Osaka and see the world for what it really is, to get out and grow up and be independent. I don't think I realized until later that that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm experiencing a different part of the world for what it really is, not just what stereotypes and common culture says it is. By doing this, I'm growing up and becoming independent. I'm kinda resentful towards that, and I didnt realize it until now. This trip is really important. So I'm not going to waste it. I'm going to try and make the best out of everyday, no matter what. I can do it with God's help. 

Also my host sister is planning on going to Canada soon for an exchange program (because my host mom wants her to see the world and because my host sister wants to learn English), and so I was trying to tell my host mom tips on getting on board with this, but she was really honest with me and said that she kinda didn't want risa to go because she'd get really sad. She told me that when she's alone and she thinks about her daughter leaving, sometimes she cries. And that made me think about my parents. We're my parents really sad when they thought about me leaving? Now that I think of it, my parents did say many times that things would be different at home and that they'd miss me. It didn't hit me that they already were missing me, knowing that I was soon to leave for an extended period off time. I didn't realize that their sickness for me was already happening, and that me replying with "no you won't" or "just you watch ill be back In the blink of an eye" was just hurting them more. I know my parents are stronger than that, but I hope that they aren't too sad that I'm not there. I just hope they haven't been crying like I have been. I really love my parents. I'd be nothing without them. 

After we talked for a while (and we talked about almost everything), my host sister and I went out to go to her piano lessons. His shop is big and there are lots of pianos and such. He even owns a little concert hall with a Steinway! It's beautiful, well maintained and had a beautiful sound xD it was awesome being able to play such a beautiful piano. It was awesome! I also got a mini lesson to see what level i am and if I wanted to start taking lessons. I think I'm going to take a lesson every week. TANOSHImi~ my teacher, fukase sensei, is apparently usually a really strict teacher but is nice to me. :3 yay! After my mini lesson I went with my host dad and sister to eat kappazushi! One of those conveyor belt sushi restaurants. So good!! Love kappazushi, it reminds me of Aomori. It was so good! After that we talked about English on the way Home. That was pretty much my day, and it was actually the best day so far. It's cause I did so much fun stuff. I guess taking the train isn't scary if im with someone, but I still need to get used to riding the train by myself. That's my goal.tomorrow I'm going to church! LifeHouse Osaka. I'm nervous cause its a new church and I don't know anyone so it'll be pretty awkward. Im justice hoping that it'll go fine. Ok time to go to bed! I'm so happy that I haven't been super homesick today and I thank God for guiding me. Everything's really falling into place. Thank you God! 

Today's prayer: dear Lord, you really are in control. You really do have a plan for me, and no matter what you are always working for my good. I thank you for being so powerful, so great, so loving, and I can't believe that someone like you would care about someone like me. I pray that tomorrow goes well, and I pray that I can shine your light wherever I go! Amen!

Extra: Today I realized how much my host family LOVES Disney. Like seriously obsessed. Just looking around the living room there's not one area that doesn't have something Disney in it. It's really cool but kinda weird. I mean i understand a little Mickey plush or a pair of chopsticks, but seriously it's everywhere. Kinda scary/cute. 60% of our conversations so far have been about Disney, and my host mom told me that when she went to Disneyland in california, there were signs in the stores that said "a limit of 5 of the same item per person." When she asked why, they said it was because the Japanese tourists that came to Disneyland were buying 10+ of the same items, Especially the duffy bear items. she was even asked, "are you sure you only Want to buy one?" haha I guess japanese people Really love Disney.

* in my church youth group we do a mentoring program called big sib lil' sib to help bond relationships between older and younger members.

**taikonotatsujin - a music game where you hit a drum to the notes that appear on the screen, super popular in Japan

Day 4 (8/23/13)

Day 4

So today I did nothing. I tried to write my speech for Monday that I have to give at school, but it's not going well. I've been really depressed and homesick, especially after reading the letter my parents gave me again. I want to cry every time I think of home... Even though I'm so depressed I'm trying to keep my head up. Ugh even thinking of that phrase makes me want to cry. It reminds me of my parents so much. Now I realize how important my family is to me, especially now that it's gone. I should have savored my last days with them more. I miss them so much~ ;( the only thing that's really helping me through the day is telling myself that God has a plan for me and that ill see my parents at Christmas, which isn't that far away. I wish time would just pass faster! It feels like days have past in just 5 hours... I need something to do... But I'm sure that once school starts ill be occupied and then I won't have to worry. Then time will start passing and life here will be just like life at home. I hope.

Weirdest thing happened today. So I was trying to keep my head up and not think about home which is a huge struggle, so I decided to listen to some music to distract myself since I'm not doing anything. Recently I've been thinking about david archuletta's "don't run away" because it speaks to me about not running away from my situation, and whenever I listen to it, I always think one Line says "God you're here no matter how far." Even though it really doesn't. In my quiet times I've been learning a lot about trusting God even though I can't physically seeing or feeling him, so it was a coincidence to be thinking about this and learning about it at the same time. To make things even crazier, when I turned on my phone and pressed shuffle in spotify, the first song that came up was dont run away! I'm definitely going to take that as a sign that God has a plan for me here and that he really wants me to stay. So even though I'm super homesick, I'm going to try and endure this so I can fulfill God's will. This is going to be hard, but I think I can do it. I talked to my Dad today too, which strengthened me a bit too. Also I was able to talk to Blake, the exchange student from last year, and Hansen from a few years ago, and they said that school makes everything a lot better and that everything gets easier with time. I hope it's the same for me! 

So pretty much we just sat around all day, but we watched the smurfs and some videos from when my host family went to Disneyland in California. We talked about newsies and the differences between American and Japanese movies, and I guess they were surprised about how much I knew about Disney. I told them that it's just cause I grew up in America. It was fun. I felt a lot better after talking to them, and it made remember that being here is a once in a life time chance. I want to make the best out of my trip, and watching the newsies at Disneyland dance and sing to seize the day helped me see the importance if making the best out of everyday here. Wallowing in my depression is wasting my time, and I should be trying to learn/see/experience something new everyday! I just hope I don't get super homesick again. The feelings still linger, but I hope I can completely shake them soon. Even though most of today was really boring, I was still able to connect with my host mom and sister, so I feel accomplished. 

Today my host brother left for an entrance exam studying camp with his school. I feel bad for him, having to study all the time. He's applying to Kyoto university! And the English he was studying was really crazy, even I had to read slowly and reread to understand. It amazes me how much they study. 

Lol after all the fun I had today watching Korean dramas, movies, and playing games, I kinda don't want school to start. But I keep on thinking about home right now, so I'm depending on school to occupy my mind. I gotta have my aha moment! My moment when I realize that this is my chance to experience the scary real world! It's kinda intimidating but it's a once in a lifetime chance so I have to make the best out of it. I can do all things with my God who gives me strength. I'm worried about a lot of things, but I know that I can do everything with God. My dad told me this morning, "one day Leighton when you're old you'll come to realize that God is completely in control. Our fears and our doubts are the way God teaches us that. It takes a long time, but by doing this, you're on the right track." 

I believe it! And I'm excited, nervous, and scared about what God has in store for me. No matter what, He will pull me through. I don't have to worry at all because I know that God is with me always. 

I realized today that I get depressed and start thinking when I'm tired. Ughh school please start, make me busy. 

We ate gyuudon for dinner, not my favorite because of the egg but still good, and we watched some tv too. I continue to surprise them with how much Japanese culture I already understand. I obviously don't know everything, but really by just watching tv there's not a lot to learn for me. Once school starts oh goodness it's gonna be crazy. I keep on getting really tired (it's 8:30 right now and I'm falling asleep!) and I fall asleep for a bit after each meal. It's weird. Tomorrow my host mom wants me to write out the lyrics to Disneyland's version of "seize the day" from newsies, and i told her that it shouldn't take very much time. She seems really happy that I'm doing this for her, but I really don't know why. Is she going to memorize them? I'm confused. I've been doing my daily devotionals, and everyday I find something applicable to my trip!! I'm so tempted to do more than one devotional in one day, one because I want to Learn a lot and it feels good to be filled with God and his love and two because I need something to do. My new favorite verse is psalms 105:4 because its so applicable to what I'm dealing with and how I should live everyday. My parents are so smart. I love them and really miss them, but I'm trying not to think about them cause whenever I do I always get more depressed...

And now it's raining. Great. Oh we'll. today has been filled with nothing really special, but for some reason I feel like it's been the best day yet. I feel stronger than usual. I realized today that my homesickness is something I'm going to fight for a long time, but if I just stay occupied it won't come. So that's my plan. School, devotionals, and everything in between should keep me distracted so I don't think of home. And it's working so far, or at least it has today. I'm excited to see what this first week of school brings. Tomorrow is Saturday! 

Today's prayer: thank you God for giving me strength. You are so powerful and so perfect, and I want to confident in trusting you and your plan. I thank you for my parents, who so lovingly care for me, and I thank you for showing me your love and wisdom through them. I pray that I would follow what you wish, and that you would lead and use me to shine your light into the world. I love you! I thank you for helping me through and even though you know I'll fail again soon I thank you for always staying with me. Only someone like you would ever do such a thing. I'm so lucky to have such a majestic king to guide me. :) 

Day 3

Day 3
Today was my host dads day off. We went to register me in the Japanese government thing, but honestly I had no idea what was going on. There was even some trouble getting me registered, but I think it was sorted out when he made a few phone calls. Apparently you have to register when you move to a new place in Japan, especially if you're a foreigner. I got to talk to my parents in the morning, and cause my host dad has a portable wifi hotspot I can get wifi whenever I'm with him. I feel okay in the morning cause I can talk to my parents whenever, but when night comes around I get depressed. Partially because I get tired and partially cause night is when I think the most.
My host family likes learning English, and it's good for me too because I can practice translating between Japanese and English, and speaking japanese all the time is really tiring so I guess it's good to have some time speaking English. It also occupies my mind so i dont think about home. For Lunch we went to this little hole in the wall ramen shop which was really good. I had chicken shio ramen, a limited item on their menu. I guess what Ur supposed to do is order more noodles after you've finished and eat them with the raw soup. I didn't really understand the point of it, so I didn't order more. I guess it gets less oily and more starchy. Overall it was really good but whenever I eat I feel like I'm going to throw up :/ I don't know why.
After lunch we walked home and rested a bit, and then I went out with my host family to a big electronics store. It was huge! Probably every imaginable electronic device in that store. I realized today that I really like Japanese style cameras. Especially the cute dslrs. So awesome! Maybe I can get permission from my parents to buy one ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ we went to find a computer that my host mom liked because my host dad stepped on her old one. She was so sad to hear that they weren't selling hers anymore :/ but she still found one she liked (which just happened to be a really good computer). We also went to get Tomoki, my host brother, a new shaver because his old one couldn't cut his beard completely off! Gross but funny. We had this really quirky lady help us find a good quality but cheap razor, but while my host parents were trying ones out the lady kept asking me questions and telling me that I'm cute. Oh well, never reject a complement. After that we came home and I fell asleep for 3 hours before eating dinner.
My host sister Risa makes funny noises when she's studying hard. It's fun to watch... She hasn't left the table at all today! All they do is study. Tomoki too. i guess that's normal, but They study way too much. Over just a few days I've learned how difficult speaking English is. I'm fluent, but even I can't speak really well. It takes years and years to get to just where I am, and even at my level there's lots more to learn. Being here has taught me that. And even though these students study so much, they still can't speak well. It only took me 5 years of really simple, laid back studying to be able to speak Japanese at my level, but these people study all their lives and can barely form an english sentence without thinking it through well. They know all the vocab, all the sentence structures, everything they need, but I can tell that without being fully immersed in the language like I'm doing its hard for them to learn to speak. I guess the best way to learn a language is to listen/fully immerse yourself. So I guess Its good that I'm here. It's just being away from familiar things is really hard. I guess after a while everything here will become familiar to me and I won't have to worry about homesickness. Maybe I won't want to go home, even. I hope that happens soon. I hate this feeling.
Today I learned that I'm only staying with my host family for three months, which probably means ill have three different families. I like my family right now a lot, and I guess moving to other families will feel weird. Oh well we'll see.
I guess I'm not in a bad mood right now, so Im nervous and kinda jittery. I just want to go home. Maybe I'll stay half the year. I don't know. DARNIT I forgot I need to write my speech for school! I have three days to figure it out.
Today after dinner we talked about English, cleaned,organized, and even called the grandparents.
I'm so tired right now! I should just write the rest tomorrow.
Today's prayer: dear heavenly father, thank you for always watching over me. I can't see the path you've laid out for me, but I know I can trust that it is fixed and safe.you are so powerful and so loving. I can trust that everyday you will lead me by the plan you've made for me. I thank you for yor love, and I pray that this trip get Even more fun. ❤❤bye bye
That's not the end! So when I first got on the plane, my parents gave me a letter which I forgot to read until today. I think it's the solution to my homesickness, but right now just thinking about it makes me want to go home so badly. At the moment I just feel like quitting, but it hasn't even been a week! I keep telling myself to endure for at least a month. Probably by the end of that month ill be enjoying Japan, but if I'm not... I don't know what I'll do. I talked to drew Balog and he said he wasn't homesick at all! I don't understand how that's possible, but I'm just praying that ill get over this soon with God's help. In the letter my parents gave me, the verse psalm 105:4 was written at the bottom: "look to The Lord and his strength; seek his face always." From now on I'm going to try to keep my head up. I can do this. Surely with God's help I can do this.

Day two

Here's yesterday! 

Day 2! August 21

Going to universal studios Japan! I'm still super tired but I don't want to be rude so I said I'd go today. It's tasking to have to speak Japanese 24/7, and I'm still feeling really uncomfortable. Sleeping on a futon hurts A LOT, but I didn't want to make my host dad buy me a mattress cause that's just rude... Ill just live with this.

10pm: today was a lot of fun! We rode snoopy, space fantasy, Spider-Man, back to the future, and this extremely creepy and scary haunted house - game thing called biohazard. I guess it's a popular zombie video game. There were so many people!! We had to wait in line forever, so it took a really long time just to get into one ride. I wanted to ride the big roller coaster, but no one wanted to ride with me... My family is very mild. I still feel really awkward, and for some reason I keep thinking about my real family and friends back in Texas. I keep thinking about the things I'm going to miss and the things I won't get to do for a whole year, and it makes me extremely sad. I didn't eat anything for lunch today, I don't really know why. I'm never hungry. When I do get depressed I tell myself that the fun has just begun and that there's so much more to come, and it gives me a little bit more strength to push on. I shouldn't have told my host family that I wasn't tired yesterday. I'm dying now... But it's nice to be able to sleep I guess. Overall at the moment I honestly hate being here. But that's just cause it's the second day and I'm uncomfortable and homesick. Once I get used to being here ill start making the best out of it. I can't wait to try the churches around Osaka! I think that will make me more comfortable. Except I don't know how I'll get there... Using the train makes me super nervous cause I think I'll get lost and never find my way home. 

Honestly at the moment I just want to go home, but life here has just begun! I just want school to start already. I hope school is fun... Homesickness is a pain in the butt. Today I told myself that shikatanai and that ill just have to Do it. I can do it! This will be fun. I wonder what time I need to wake up Tomorrow. 6:30? I need to write my speech and get settled in.

I feel like I've been here for a really long time, but not in the good way. Not in the way that makes

Me want to stay longer. Its more like I feel like I've been here long enough to go home. But I can't. 

My plan to get over my homesickness is to try and make this place a second home. I did that in Aomori, so I can do it here if I try. Aomori was easier because I had Lindsey, jake, meg and my Friends 24/7, but once school starts maybe ill make friends and feel more comfortable. I just wish time would speed up. 

I miss my family. But I'm not going to let that stop me from having a good experience here. I just hope that when school and church start happening I can keep my mind off my parents and feel more comfortable here. I was comfortable in Aomori because everyday was fun, even if I didn't do anything special. I guess I liked school a lot. And even though this time will be different, i still have to endure this and make it fun. I have to be strong and grow up. 

I know I'm homesick because I don't feel love here. Homesickness is caused by a lack of security and love. So once school and church start, once I start seeing/making friends on a regular basis, then I'll be able to feel more comfortable, less lonely, less scared. Being homesick is normal, and it happens to all people, big and small. It just depends on how they deal with it that defines if they're really big or small inside. 

I am not going to let this beat me. At least I'm going to be honest with my feelings here on my blog, and doing this makes me feel more comfortable. Thanks for reading :)

Prayer for today: God, you are in control. You have power over everything and have a plan for every little thing in this world. Please help me see and trust your plan for me as I'm here in Japan, and I pray that my trip starts getting enjoyable so I can be more comfortable and do what I came here to do. I pray that you help me Speak well, and I also pray that I would be a light to shine your glory. Thank you for your awesome love and your promise for me. Amen!

Day 1

Sorry about not posting these, I've been really busy! Here's the day before yesterday.

Day 1: What a day! So much happened and I'm so tired ughhh

Getting on the plane in San Fran with Sara and saying goodbye to my family was hard, and I'm still feeling that awkward "I'm ready to go home" feeling that you get when you homestay with people you've never met before in your life. It's been fun with my host family so far, but it's just so awkward being Japanese and doing this because you don't want to be a burden to anyone and consequentially are willing to feel uncomfortable and out of place. I hate this feeling. I keep on catching myself thinking, don't worry you're going home tomorrow. Then I realize im really not going home tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next day. Or any time soon for a really long time. That's what's scaring me. But I guess right now all I can do is do what they ask. I'm so tired and they're asking me to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow, but I really think that I deserve some rest from everything that's happened today. I can't believe that I'm really doing it!

I love my family's house, so cozy and small, but I just hate making people do things for me so i feel really bad. I'm just ready to find something to get my mind off of all this, an incentive for every day. I just can't wait to sleep! Going to universal studios Japan tomorrow！！ see yah all later ❤

Today's prayer: thank you God for protecting us on our flight here, and I thank you for keeping us in your hands. I pray that you help me see that you already have a plan set and that with you I can do anything if I have faith. Thank you for being so powerful, awesome, and loving, and I pray that you pull me through what I admit to be homesickness. Thank you, I love you!