Day 2! August 21
Going to universal studios Japan! I'm still super tired but I don't want to be rude so I said I'd go today. It's tasking to have to speak Japanese 24/7, and I'm still feeling really uncomfortable. Sleeping on a futon hurts A LOT, but I didn't want to make my host dad buy me a mattress cause that's just rude... Ill just live with this.
10pm: today was a lot of fun! We rode snoopy, space fantasy, Spider-Man, back to the future, and this extremely creepy and scary haunted house - game thing called biohazard. I guess it's a popular zombie video game. There were so many people!! We had to wait in line forever, so it took a really long time just to get into one ride. I wanted to ride the big roller coaster, but no one wanted to ride with me... My family is very mild. I still feel really awkward, and for some reason I keep thinking about my real family and friends back in Texas. I keep thinking about the things I'm going to miss and the things I won't get to do for a whole year, and it makes me extremely sad. I didn't eat anything for lunch today, I don't really know why. I'm never hungry. When I do get depressed I tell myself that the fun has just begun and that there's so much more to come, and it gives me a little bit more strength to push on. I shouldn't have told my host family that I wasn't tired yesterday. I'm dying now... But it's nice to be able to sleep I guess. Overall at the moment I honestly hate being here. But that's just cause it's the second day and I'm uncomfortable and homesick. Once I get used to being here ill start making the best out of it. I can't wait to try the churches around Osaka! I think that will make me more comfortable. Except I don't know how I'll get there... Using the train makes me super nervous cause I think I'll get lost and never find my way home.
Honestly at the moment I just want to go home, but life here has just begun! I just want school to start already. I hope school is fun... Homesickness is a pain in the butt. Today I told myself that shikatanai and that ill just have to Do it. I can do it! This will be fun. I wonder what time I need to wake up Tomorrow. 6:30? I need to write my speech and get settled in.
I feel like I've been here for a really long time, but not in the good way. Not in the way that makes
Me want to stay longer. Its more like I feel like I've been here long enough to go home. But I can't.
My plan to get over my homesickness is to try and make this place a second home. I did that in Aomori, so I can do it here if I try. Aomori was easier because I had Lindsey, jake, meg and my Friends 24/7, but once school starts maybe ill make friends and feel more comfortable. I just wish time would speed up.
I miss my family. But I'm not going to let that stop me from having a good experience here. I just hope that when school and church start happening I can keep my mind off my parents and feel more comfortable here. I was comfortable in Aomori because everyday was fun, even if I didn't do anything special. I guess I liked school a lot. And even though this time will be different, i still have to endure this and make it fun. I have to be strong and grow up.
I know I'm homesick because I don't feel love here. Homesickness is caused by a lack of security and love. So once school and church start, once I start seeing/making friends on a regular basis, then I'll be able to feel more comfortable, less lonely, less scared. Being homesick is normal, and it happens to all people, big and small. It just depends on how they deal with it that defines if they're really big or small inside.
I am not going to let this beat me. At least I'm going to be honest with my feelings here on my blog, and doing this makes me feel more comfortable. Thanks for reading :)
Prayer for today: God, you are in control. You have power over everything and have a plan for every little thing in this world. Please help me see and trust your plan for me as I'm here in Japan, and I pray that my trip starts getting enjoyable so I can be more comfortable and do what I came here to do. I pray that you help me Speak well, and I also pray that I would be a light to shine your glory. Thank you for your awesome love and your promise for me. Amen!
